There comes a point at which it becomes plain that I can't ask my horse to go through another winter. I had thought it would be summer for Brat as his heaves are worst in the summer, but he's been doing well the last couple of years. That stifle isn't healed enough to handle another winter. That knowledge doesn't stop the grasping at straws.
I have thought about redoing the footing in his paddock with crushed stone and stabilizers, but the cost is prohibitive. I have thought about investing in a custom strength training plan for his stifle, but if it's not enough he'll be struggling in pain in the middle of winter. I have thought about keeping him in an open building, like an arena, but most footing gets dusty when it's very cold. Again the cost would be prohibitive to build something suitable, and what would his quality of life be like? Moving south is not a reasonable option, even if just for the winter.
These are wild ideas, and completely normal thoughts to have in this situation. There is a desire to find the solution that will keep our horse happy, comfortable, and healthy enough to go on for a bit longer. I think I need to work through the crazy things, and even the sensible things that ignore half of the issues, as part of coming to the decision. Knowing the end date is a heavy burden to carry. Imagining wild solutions lets me set that weight aside for a time.
Realistically I have to admit the decision is made. I have to start planning with that in mind. Last week Brat needed refills on several of his medications. Two of them come in a larger pack that lasts five and eight months respectively. There was no point in saving on the per pill cost by getting the larger packs. Brat won't be needing them that long.
I haven't made my decision public yet. There's no need to do so yet. For now it is enough that I know so I can spend time with Brat, doing what I can to keep him happy and comfortable.
