A Flash of Orange

I rode two horses today. Not my boy who's time is limited, two other horses. It was sunny, windy and cool - a perfect day to get out and ride. I want to ride my guy, but I feel that as uncomfortable as he is it would be an imposition.

Instead we went way out into the hayfield and I watched him munch, and took some photos and just thought. Some of the thinking was wishing he'd strike a certain pose again, or hold still a second longer. But some was about how little time we have left together. How that flash of orange among the green has become the flame of orange in a sea of bare branches. And how it is about time I told the few remaining friends who need to know.

A Rush of Wings

As I was putting a horse out the other morning I heard a sound like heavy rain coming across the field, or a sudden gusting wind through leaves on the trees. It was a clear morning with still air and I looked up to see a broad stripe of songbirds passing overhead as they flew southeast. There were hundreds, if not thousands of birds flying in the mass flock.

Winter seems to be pushing in early this year. The temperatures are colder than normal, we've had more rain sooner, and we've missed the indian summer days that usually accompany the early days of October. I admit I was sort of counting on having those days to spend with my horse. On him having those days to bask, snoozing in the warm sun. The birds are deserting us, heading for warmer areas to winter. The monarchs are heading for Mexico.

I'm sure the cold damp is hard on my horse. There is little doubt that he is feeling stiff and probably somewhat pained. I was hoping to let him go before every day hurt. To let him go knowing the good days outnumber the bad.

Thanks Given for Good Friends

Goodbye is such a personal thing. We have our own needs to satisfy when saying goodbye to someone important in our lives, and we need to say those goodbyes in our own ways.

On Saturday one friend came out and we took my horse out to the hayfield to graze together. We talked for a long time about many things, including why it was time to send him on.

Today another friend came and spent some quiet time with him, happy to groom and then spend some alone time with him in a choice part of the hayfield. We talked a bit as well, shying away from the true reason for her visit as it was very busy at the barn today. She sent me an email later thanking me for giving her the chance to say goodbye, and for sharing him with her over the years we've known each other.

When I got my first horse I had trouble understanding why people would so often get others to ride their horses. I wanted to ride too much myself to be able to share my first horse very often. Now I think there is a progression in the journey of horse ownership, starting with keeping the horse's training on track in the early years, to later offering a few special rides to others, and then coming to where it is important to share that horse's special qualities with those who would appreciate them.

My horse is not flashy, beautifully conformed, or super talented but his generosity and heart are truly exceptional. On this Thanksgiving weekend I am supremely thankful not only to have had this horse in my life, but also to have these good friends with whom I could share my special horse.

I've Been Here Before

I suddenly realized this week that there is no one in my horse life just now who knew my first horse in person. If I were to say his name in conversation no one would realize who I was talking about without the caveat "my first horse". I find this sad in a way.

I had to make the decision to not run my first horse through another winter too. The second time around isn't any easier, but the experience of then is affecting my now. I am taking silly pictures and video clips of my second horse. I am making time to spend time with him even if all I do is groom, or take him out to graze somewhere the grass is still plentiful.

Making time for nothing much is important for both of us.

Memories New and Old

I took my horse for a hack around the fields yesterday. We've been getting a lot of rain lately and yesterday we had a mix of sun and cloud for part of the day. I had just brought him in to groom and feed, but once he was clean I couldn't resist hopping aboard and going for a meander around the property.

We're past the formality of saddle and bridle these days. I throw a thick saddle blanket on his back to cushion his spine (and my butt!) and tie the end of the lead rope round to form reins and off we go. He's more than happy with the arrangement as he can grab mouthfuls of alfalfa as we wander around the hayfields. For the most part he's good about waiting for me to invite him to nibble, but he's an opportunist too and looks for those moments when I'm distracted to make a dive for that particularly delicious looking stalk of alfalfa.

I did ask him to go for a little trot, okay - more of a jog these days. Sadly he's feeling sore, and was a little bit lame at the trot. But he didn't mind walking - and munching - his way around the property. I can really feel the changes in his movement and body carriage when I ride him now. It's kind of sad - I still remember when he was in his prime, muscled up and fit. He was an impressive chunk of a horse then and got lots of compliments from strangers at horse shows.

Today I stood in the hayfield for over an hour with him and watched him mow a strip through the nice green growth. He barely lifted his nose above grass level in all that time. As I stood there with him I remembered standing like that with him in other times and places. One of the best memories is of ten days we spent onsite at a national show. There was a warmup ring out back where many people warmed up, or had lessons or training sessions on their non-showing days. We spent many hours out there with him grazing and me watching the riders. We were out so much he was content to snooze when I finally did take him back to his stall in the tent.

I'm finding it a relief to have the vet appointment set. Now I don't have to think about it, and I'm free to enjoy my time with him and remember the good times we've had along this long journey together - even as I create a few new ones to hold for the coming days.

Sunshine and alfalfa

I am reminded that it's not all doom and gloom on this journey. Another friend came to visit. She hasn't really ridden in quite a while and was happy to see my horse, groom him and take him out to graze in the hay field.

It was sunny after a number of days of rain, and it felt warmer in the sunshine than the forecast had promised. As I had warned my friends about the gossips - and there were other boarders in the barn - we touched only very generally on how my boy was doing and had a good chat about many things as she polished and brushed.

He's not in a great deal of pain, and is mostly content with his herdmates and hay. Some of them pester him and chase him from the hay at times, or herd him around the field, but he's good at getting out of their way calmly and they tend to leave him in peace. My decision to euthanize is a pre-empting of potential disaster in the winter. He is enjoying his last days and I am making plans to spend some of my days exclusively with him, even if at times all I do is watch him snooze.

My horse enjoyed the attention and the alfalfa. He would have happily stayed out there for hours hoovering up the lovely green stuff. She plans to return several times to do the same. Hopefully she'll bring the sun with her again.

Nailing down the finish line

I didn't go to the vet clinic yesterday. It was a busy day and I found excuses to do other things. Today was quiet. I didn't want to go - just wanted to go home and sleep, but I turned down that road and drove out to the clinic. I owe it to my helpers to get the date set.

The clinic assistant was great and not only set the appointment and marked it as private without question, but also called the deadstock firm for me as well. Mostly to find out what the current pickup cost is, but also set up the appointment with them and set up a personal reminder to confirm the deadstock truck a couple of days ahead. Have I mentioned my vet clinic has a great team? I dreaded calling the deadstock firm.

We have a date now, and a rough time (vet time). The truck is set for a couple of hours later than the vet, just in case there's a delay, and to give me time to leave. I managed to stand in the clinic and set the appointment, listen to the call to the deadstock and offer my thanks. The tears came before I reached the door.

In a way it's a relief to have the date set. It's one more thing I don't have to think about now. Well two now that the truck has been arranged.