Thanks Given for Good Friends

Goodbye is such a personal thing. We have our own needs to satisfy when saying goodbye to someone important in our lives, and we need to say those goodbyes in our own ways.

On Saturday one friend came out and we took my horse out to the hayfield to graze together. We talked for a long time about many things, including why it was time to send him on.

Today another friend came and spent some quiet time with him, happy to groom and then spend some alone time with him in a choice part of the hayfield. We talked a bit as well, shying away from the true reason for her visit as it was very busy at the barn today. She sent me an email later thanking me for giving her the chance to say goodbye, and for sharing him with her over the years we've known each other.

When I got my first horse I had trouble understanding why people would so often get others to ride their horses. I wanted to ride too much myself to be able to share my first horse very often. Now I think there is a progression in the journey of horse ownership, starting with keeping the horse's training on track in the early years, to later offering a few special rides to others, and then coming to where it is important to share that horse's special qualities with those who would appreciate them.

My horse is not flashy, beautifully conformed, or super talented but his generosity and heart are truly exceptional. On this Thanksgiving weekend I am supremely thankful not only to have had this horse in my life, but also to have these good friends with whom I could share my special horse.

Sunshine and alfalfa

I am reminded that it's not all doom and gloom on this journey. Another friend came to visit. She hasn't really ridden in quite a while and was happy to see my horse, groom him and take him out to graze in the hay field.

It was sunny after a number of days of rain, and it felt warmer in the sunshine than the forecast had promised. As I had warned my friends about the gossips - and there were other boarders in the barn - we touched only very generally on how my boy was doing and had a good chat about many things as she polished and brushed.

He's not in a great deal of pain, and is mostly content with his herdmates and hay. Some of them pester him and chase him from the hay at times, or herd him around the field, but he's good at getting out of their way calmly and they tend to leave him in peace. My decision to euthanize is a pre-empting of potential disaster in the winter. He is enjoying his last days and I am making plans to spend some of my days exclusively with him, even if at times all I do is watch him snooze.

My horse enjoyed the attention and the alfalfa. He would have happily stayed out there for hours hoovering up the lovely green stuff. She plans to return several times to do the same. Hopefully she'll bring the sun with her again.

Visit from an old friend

A couple of weeks ago I sent an email to a few old friends of ours to let them know it was time to say goodbye to my horse, and that I felt it was important that those people who think he's awesome come out to make their farewells. Each of them responded and sent their sympathies and wishes to come out and say their goodbyes.

One of them came out to visit today. She hadn't received the email until a week or two after I'd sent it and while her plans had brought her near his stable, the timing was too soon for her. We talked for a while and caught up with our horse lives and various other news.

I told her all the little signs I'd seen, and the questions I've been asking myself. It's funny - to everyone I've told so far I feel the need to explain why I'm euthanizing my horse this fall. I hate that feeling. Maybe it's a subconcious thing, but it makes me feel like I'm trying to justify my decision and want the other person's approval. I didn't feel even a hint of that need to justify my decision with this friend. She gets it. She understands where I'm standing and sharing the details with her, for just a few minutes, allowed her to take part of the weight of that decision that I'm carrying.

In the end she didn't feel ready to see my horse and say goodbye. There's a little time left. Time to work through her feelings and visit again to see him. She did leave the carrots she'd brought for him.

Dear friend - Thanks for visiting.