Horsecare 101

Our vet of many years first met my QH when he was four. It was spring and time for the annual vaccinations. I had phoned around to the local clinics and asked about prices for the basics and ended up making an appointment with Dr. KB. The visit was uneventful, and Dr. KB had time to sit and answer some general questions.

One year later Dr. KB couldn't believe he was seeing the same horse I'd had the year before. Between the ages of four and five my QH grew up and matured. Between five and seven he muscled up and got wider. In full fit competition weight (ie. very slightly ribby) he hit 1343 lbs on the height/weight tape. Proportionally he was built like a classic working QH, but on a larger scale both taller and wider.

Over the years Dr. KB looked after my boys I learned a lot from him. I'd gone for several years with my first horse without needing much in the way of veterinary care, but my QH had a knack for finding new and unusual ways to injure himself. At first I called the vet for every bump and slice, but over time I grew comfortable with treating the problem and waiting for a day or three to see if it would improve. Dr. KB. almost always had some tidbit of information to share with me, some of which became useful later on. Something as simple as sugar for wounds, or as complex as the effects of various joint supplements, or as subtle as the results of a complete blood count.

Accident prone horses can be frustrating to deal with, but they (and their vets) can teach us a lot in a short period of time.

The Power of a Grazing Horse

Today was harder than yesterday. I kept falling into the hole and finding the memory of his last moments. My eyes are burning.

Maybe being tired contributed, but I went to bed late for fear of waking at two am again and lying sleepless for hours. I slept well last night - if not long enough. Before I went to sleep I took the video camera and watched the silly video I shot in the last couple of weeks. My horse eating his grain. My horse drinking. My horse walking out into his pasture. My horse grazing. It was this last one that settled my mind and let me relax into sleep. Watching him graze and hearing the rip of grass and munching really must be as good as stroking a cat.

Tears came again when I got home and found a sympathy card from the vet and clinic staff. Maybe it's standard operating procedure, but it still shows they do care and it means a lot to me that someone took the time to write in the card and send it off.

My friends have emailed and called, and their support helps too. I can't talk about it yet without losing my voice, but just knowing they're there once I can talk is comforting.

In thinking so much about him I find that I have not one regret in our last days together. Nor do I feel any doubt that it was the right time to help him go. I am glad I took the silly videos and took far too many photos of not much. I do have some old video from his competition days, but I don't find myself wanting to watch it yet. I want to watch the video of him grazing.

Time to go

I went out really early this morning. I brought him up to the barn and groomed him before taking him out to graze. When I took his blanket off I had to think about what I ought to do with it so I wouldn't have to think about it later.

We had a good long time out in the field. At first all I could think about was the future. It occured to me after a bit that hand grazing a horse must be like stroking a cat for horsepeople - it's very calming. After a time I started remembering pieces of our past and then deliberately went searching for more memories from our earliest years and all through our fifteen years together. The tears went as I leaned against him and wandered through memory.

I talked to him a little bit. About the lessons he'd taught me, the good times we had, and that he should hold to his incredible courage and knowledge that I love him when he goes. But mostly I just watched him eat and let the memories come.

The vet was later than expected, but I am glad we had that extra time to go through the future and come back to the past. When I saw the vet's truck coming up the road I said to my horse "Come on. It's time to go."

He was ready. He didn't fight the drugs at all, and I stayed with him telling him that he could let go of the pain, he should go on now, and that I loved him.

Nailing down the finish line

I didn't go to the vet clinic yesterday. It was a busy day and I found excuses to do other things. Today was quiet. I didn't want to go - just wanted to go home and sleep, but I turned down that road and drove out to the clinic. I owe it to my helpers to get the date set.

The clinic assistant was great and not only set the appointment and marked it as private without question, but also called the deadstock firm for me as well. Mostly to find out what the current pickup cost is, but also set up the appointment with them and set up a personal reminder to confirm the deadstock truck a couple of days ahead. Have I mentioned my vet clinic has a great team? I dreaded calling the deadstock firm.

We have a date now, and a rough time (vet time). The truck is set for a couple of hours later than the vet, just in case there's a delay, and to give me time to leave. I managed to stand in the clinic and set the appointment, listen to the call to the deadstock and offer my thanks. The tears came before I reached the door.

In a way it's a relief to have the date set. It's one more thing I don't have to think about now. Well two now that the truck has been arranged.

Logistics

Dealing with the decision to euthanize is tough enough, but when it's a horse there are an awful lot of details to look after. Horses don't go to the vet, often don't live at their owner's homes, are difficult to bury, impractical and expensive to cremate, and so on.

My horse lives at a boarding stable. There are quite a lot of other boarders and it's been difficult to find a quiet half day of the week as many of them do not have 9 to 5 type jobs. Some things should not be witnessed by anyone uninvolved. Euthanizing my horse is one of them.

I think I've worked out the best day of the week, and chosen the week of the month. Now I need to make the appointment with the vet and get the deadstock removal firm's contact details. I have been putting off making the vet appointment, because I don't think I'm going to be able to do so without breaking down. Even though the decision is made, somehow putting a definite date on it makes it more immediate. Time is rushing forward and we are almost into October already.

Call me callous, but the idea of having the deadstock truck pick up my horse afterwards doesn't bother me. I know his essential spirit will be gone, and he won't be needing the physical body anymore. But at the same time I don't want to know the details of the pickup, and I know if anyone at the barn actually witnesses it they will at some point feel compelled to talk about it. It's odd, but the idea of chopping off his tail hair afterwards bothers me more than the deadstock removal. I want to keep his tail to put in a shadow box with his halter, but I get squirmy when I think about cutting it off.

Arranging for the vet is going to be more difficult than just calling. I'm going to have to ensure that they mark it as a private appointment so it's not even mentioned to any other boarder should they call for a vet visit. The clinic is very good at adding clients onto an existing appointment where possible so we can split the call fee. This is one call fee I don't want to split.

Once the vet is set then I need to talk to my barn owner and arrange the deadstock pickup. The barn owner offered to help, to stand in for any part of the process I couldn't do. I will be there for the vet, but I'm not sticking around for the truck. I'll leave the money and get the heck out of there.

Maybe I need to arrange for someone to drive me home...