A couple of weeks ago I sent an email to a few old friends of ours to let them know it was time to say goodbye to my horse, and that I felt it was important that those people who think he's awesome come out to make their farewells. Each of them responded and sent their sympathies and wishes to come out and say their goodbyes.
One of them came out to visit today. She hadn't received the email until a week or two after I'd sent it and while her plans had brought her near his stable, the timing was too soon for her. We talked for a while and caught up with our horse lives and various other news.
I told her all the little signs I'd seen, and the questions I've been asking myself. It's funny - to everyone I've told so far I feel the need to explain why I'm euthanizing my horse this fall. I hate that feeling. Maybe it's a subconcious thing, but it makes me feel like I'm trying to justify my decision and want the other person's approval. I didn't feel even a hint of that need to justify my decision with this friend. She gets it. She understands where I'm standing and sharing the details with her, for just a few minutes, allowed her to take part of the weight of that decision that I'm carrying.
In the end she didn't feel ready to see my horse and say goodbye. There's a little time left. Time to work through her feelings and visit again to see him. She did leave the carrots she'd brought for him.
Dear friend - Thanks for visiting.